Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sandberg and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:
1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs
Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sandberg has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.
To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.
Sandberg talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.
With this example, Sandberg makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.
Sandberg argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?
Sandberg is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.
But back to Lean In.
I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sandberg was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.
There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.
The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.
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midlifemeg
/ July 12, 2012Lynn, what if it’s a male main character instead of a heroine? The English Major by Jim Harrison is about a man who is getting older (in his sixties) and he takes a road trip after a divorce, like the heroine of your book. He has a fling with a younger woman and it has some interesting (and hilarious) perspectives– not the usual glorification of the younger woman. Check it out!
Lynne Spreen
/ July 12, 2012It doesn’t matter to me, Meg. In fact, I’m trying more, in a subtle way, to get men to feel more welcome – in the words I use to compose my blog posts – because some are starting to read and comment, and I don’t want them to feel excluded. Older age happens to both genders! And thanks for the book suggestion. I will check it out.
Anne
/ August 26, 2012Loved Olive Kittridge, will have to check out the other two (as well as Dakota Blues) Just sent my youngest off to college and staring down the big 50. Will be checking back in w your blog!
Lynne Spreen
/ August 27, 2012Congratulations, Anne! What a thrill to have reached that milestone. What’s the next milestone you’re looking forward to?
Kathy Shattuck
/ September 3, 2012Lynne, I’m happy to see you’re taking this flag in you hands. I knew/felt all along you had the cojones to do this. Five stars for you! (Or is it six?) Anyway, you have my vote of confidence, 100%
Lynne Spreen
/ September 3, 2012Thanks for the encouragement, Kathy.
Sheila Boneham
/ September 5, 2012Great blog, Lynne! Do you include genre fiction (mystery specifically)?
Sharing this on my FB page!
Lynne Spreen
/ September 5, 2012Hi Sheila, I was trying to fill the hole left by Amazon and all the rest, who don’t have a specific genre for midlife fiction. I am tempted to include any fiction that satisfies the four points, though, so if you have a recommendation that does, let me know. I think I’ll go remove the comment about memoir. And thanks for the heads up about the links changing the page.
Anne
/ September 7, 2012I’d add a couple of books by Stewart O’Nan: Wish You Were Here and the sequel Emily Alone. I would also include his book The Odds.
Helene Bludman
/ December 1, 2012Great list. The late Alice Adams wrote movingly about midlifers.
Lynne Spreen
/ December 1, 2012Thanks, Helene. If you hear of any others, let me know.
Lynne Spreen
/ December 1, 2012Oops, I hit the reply button too quickly! I will check out Alice Adams ASAP.
Lynne Spreen
/ December 2, 2012Thanks, Helene, for the recommendation. I’ll take a look. Best wishes.
Helene Bludman
/ December 2, 2012Great, Lynne! She had a very unique style, one I haven’t found in any other author. I hope you like it.
Sonia Marsh
/ December 2, 2012Thank you Lynne for recommending my memoir: “Freeways to Flip-Flops.” If your readers and writers want to submit their own “MY Gutsy Story,” please send them over to http://soniamarsh.com, and I shall feature them on my website: Gutsy Living: LIfe is too Short to Play it Safe.
Sandra Nachlinger
/ December 19, 2012Thank you for this great list. I’ll read every book you’ve included. Like you, I sped through GOODBYE EMILY, finishing it in one day. It was fun to read a book written from an older man’s point of view.
Lynne Spreen
/ December 19, 2012Glad you’re excited about it, Sandra. Enjoy!
Sue Shoemaker
/ April 6, 2013Kris Radish’s books meet the criteria. My favorite was “Annie Freeman’s Fabulous Traveling Funeral.”
Sheila Boneham
/ April 6, 2013Sue, you’re right! Kris Radish is great. My favorite is “Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn”
Lynne Spreen
/ April 6, 2013Wow, Sue and Sheila, I’ll have to check her out. This is why I started the page, because I just KNEW I was missing something! Sue, I hope you’ll go on over to the page on Facebook and click LIKE for me. And thanks for the recommendation! http://www.facebook.com/Midlife.Fiction
Lynne Spreen
/ April 6, 2013Sheila, thanks for liking the FB page.
Lisa
/ May 17, 2013Everything Kris Radish writes is fun and empowering.
Lynne Spreen
/ May 17, 2013That would be Annie Freeman’s Fabulous Traveling Funeral.
sheilabonehamSheila Webster
/ May 17, 2013And Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn, Lynne! 🙂
Lynne Spreen
/ May 17, 2013I was going to say, Damn, I’m there! I want to do that! And then I realized, it’s probably a book title :0 Going to Amazon now!
sheilaboneham
/ May 17, 2013:-). And a darn good book title, too!
Sue Shoemaker
/ June 13, 2013Just finished listening to Fannie Flagg read her book: I STILL DREAM ABOUT YOU. It was a light and funny story about a 60 year old woman who starts the book believing that she’s “at the end” only to find out that she was actually on the threshold of the “beginning.”
Lynne Spreen
/ June 13, 2013Sue, that sounds like exactly what I’m looking for. I’ll check it out. Thanks!
Strategies of the Spirit
/ August 3, 2013I scrolled quickly through this (will come back to load up my kindle!) I don’t think I saw Calling Invisible Women by Jeanne Ray. Hilarious and too true. This would be a great book to gather women together around for a book group. Due to taking three pharmaceuticals (all meant to deny the aging process) women are becoming invisible… and often their families don’t notice! (Jeanne Ray’s other two books are also lighthearted looks at issues of empty nesters: “Eat Cake” and “Julie and Romeo”)
Lynne Spreen
/ August 3, 2013Mary, you are so right – I loved Jeanne Ray and the Invisible Women book but forgot to include it. Thanks for the reminder. I’ll update it on my Midlife Fiction book page on Facebook.