Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sandberg and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:
1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs
Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sandberg has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.
To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.
Sandberg talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.
With this example, Sandberg makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.
Sandberg argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?
Sandberg is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.
But back to Lean In.
I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sandberg was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.
There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.
The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.
View all my reviews
Any Shiny Thing 
Eileen Williams
/ July 8, 2011Lynne,
First off, I hope/pray the ultrasound shows that this is nothing. I’ve been through this procedure myself (plus a biopsy) and think I can understand some of how it feels for you. Secondly, with your strength, attitude, and “bring it” mentality, I know you can handle whatever life dishes out. Yes, you do have balls and they’re powerful. Please keep us updated–I know your friends and your readers are pulling for you.
Lynne Spreen
/ July 9, 2011Thank you, Eileen. The main point I wanted to make is that I am tired of being scared. I was brought up by two frightened people – they did their best, but they had been battered early by life! – and I am SICK of creeping around, always carrying an umbrella. I have reached a point where I would rather get hit by a truck than creep anymore. And that is the gift of maturity I wanted to share.
Kathy
/ July 8, 2011Powerful, Lynne, you have all my love.
I know this feeling, as repeatedly I’ve had to go for “those” ultra-sounds…and this last mammogram came back with no recommendation for a follow up. In my case, this time, my relief was overwhelming. I couldn’t believe it! Even though we whisper, or shout, got to hell you little mass, and telling life we are strong, there is a little part of us that is scared, and I understand this.
I had asked my doctor why she thought I didn’t have to go for the ultra-sound, why they didn’t find anything, this time. I asked if it had anything to do with getting off of the hormone replacement drug I had been on for years. She said YES! So, for anyone out there who is taking those drugs, think about it twice. Both of my doctors, cardiologist, and internist, told me to get off of them NOW.
The unfortunate thing, for me, is that the side effect of not taking the hormone replacement was horrible, I went into deep depression. I finally connected the dots, and confided this to my doctor. She said this was not uncommon, and I was given medication that helped immensely. I can handle the hot flashes, but not the depression!
I guess what I’m saying is, Lynne, all of us need to get those mammograms, get those check ups; ask questions, and be aware of what your body is telling you. Yes, as we get older, there are many things that routine doctor’s visits can help prevent in early stages.
All my best wishes, and strength,
Kathy
Lynne Spreen
/ July 9, 2011Kathy, I was at a breast cancer conference in San Antonio almost ten years ago when they interrupted a main speaker to announce new findings in the relationship between HR and breast cancer. Not every time, not for every woman, but it was definitely implicated. You are right about vigilance. Thanks for reminding us.
Kathleen Pooler
/ July 8, 2011Dear Lynne,
First of all my thoughts and prayers are with you as you deal with yet another medical battle. I love your spirit and spunk in the face if it. I know you’ll go at it guns a blazin’ and I admire your refusal to give in to it. KInd of reminds me of when I railed at God when the cancer returned. At first I piously accepted” His “will until one day I got pissed off and yelled out “You are the great miraclemaker so go make me a miracle. I not only wanted one, I expected one and refused to accept anything less.Yes, Lynne, Bring.It.On. I know will do whatever it takes to live life on your own terms. I will be cheering you on. My thoughts and prayers are with you every step of the way.
Sending positive vibes and blessings across the miles,
Love ya, dear friend,
Kathy
Lynne Spreen
/ July 9, 2011Kathy, you have been there! Nobody speaks with more authority than a veteran, and I know you are a believer who would have to be seriously pissed off before yelling at God! I draw strength from your power. Thanks.
Trish
/ July 8, 2011I’ve had 2 biopsies plus repeat mammos or ultrasound every other time – it sucks and it’s scary and I never get used to it. I applaud your balls – or should we say ovaries?! Guess the pain & privilege of growing older includes putting up with stuff like this and if we haven’t grown a pair by now, we better do it soon. As someone said, aging ain’t for sissys. Wishing you the best, Lynne!
Lynne Spreen
/ July 9, 2011Trish, you are not kidding about aging not for sissies. When I mentioned my friends and all the crap they’re going thru…all you can do is throw back your shoulders and roar.
Bring it on, Life! Do your best – you cannot but make me laugh.
Friko
/ July 8, 2011Attitude is good. Attitude helps you to survive. And something to get your teeth into, something to be passionate about.
That’s official. I had it from the horse’s mouth.
You’ll make it.
Lynne Spreen
/ July 9, 2011Friko, you came in from the garden and read my post. I am honored! Folks, if you don’t know it, Friko is a very popular poster in England, with an absolutely magical garden on the edge of castle ruins. But wait, there’s more! Check her out:
http://frikosmusings.blogspot.com/
domermom
/ July 9, 2011Lynne, you’re in my thoughts and prayers — hope everything turns out okay for you. Life and aging aren’t for sissies! None of us are guaranteed a single minute of a single day — I believe the idea isn’t to creep into Heaven marooned beneath blankets but to slide in with a grin on our faces, saying, “Wow, what a ride!”
Lynne Spreen
/ July 9, 2011Deb, what a great way to put it: “slide in with a grin on our faces”! Thanks for the power boost.
Dr. Judith Rich
/ July 9, 2011I’m right there with you, Lynne, having gone through this and then some two years ago. Life is too short NOT to have balls!
Lynne Spreen
/ July 9, 2011Thanks for stopping by, Dr. Rich! I loved your post about Paving a Path to Personal Liberation. It reinforces this new way of thinking – I want to build it, make it a core part of my thinking. Your columns will help. Stop by again – no further moderation to slow you down.
Linda Robinson
/ July 10, 2011You are an inspiration warrior, Lynne. We need fearless training camp and you’d be my favorite camp counselor. I want a tshirt with your words – Life: Bring. It.
Lynne Spreen
/ July 10, 2011Linda, it’s 5:20 a.m. and I’m laughing. Thanks for your comment. I’m flattered beyond words.
With age, we should have developed plenty of guts. Lets find them and share them with each other. Lets become tough old broads together. I think it’s like an untapped bank account. My shrink used to say you get good at whatever you practice. We -and society – haven’t practiced fearlessness in older age. We’ve practiced youth, and the imitation thereof. We’ve practiced giving. What else? It was on the tip of my tongue.
Oh yeah. Forgetfulness!
Shannon Ingram
/ July 11, 2011WONDERFUL message, Lynne! I’m with Linda R – Life: Bring it!
Lynne Spreen
/ July 11, 2011Thanks, Shannon. Great to hear from you!
Janet Jackson
/ July 11, 2011I am so honored to be reading all these wonderful affirmations from my peers! I thank God there are all of you out there that have such magical words to express my deepest thoughts and emotions! Keep writing, my sisters! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Lynne Spreen
/ July 12, 2011It is kind of a neighborhood, isn’t it, Janet? We enjoy each other’s company. Stop by again.
Vonnie
/ July 12, 2011Hey Lynne,
I know we emailed privately, but just wanted to stop by and give you my undying support during this x\@$%&X& time. Suddenly, I wanted to swear so there it is. lol
I love the last line of your post – Life: Bring. It. YOu should use it in your email signature. Nobody will mess with you, girl. xoxoxo
Lynne Spreen
/ July 12, 2011Vonnie, you make me laugh and cry. Thanks for who you are. Enjoy your day.
Wendy Dewar Hughes
/ July 28, 2011This is the best line in this post: “I’m tired of being scared. I’m ready for fearlessness.”
I think we are habituated to giving away our authority to fear. It’s time to stop it. If we see fear not as an emotion but as an entity that wants to take over and control our lives, it puts things in a different perspective. We can choose between fearful or powerful.
Lynne Spreen
/ July 29, 2011Thanks for the comment, Wendy. I truly believe in “fake it until you make it” or, as a mentor used to say, “change the behavior and the feelings will follow.” So I am practicing fearlessness, and it feels good. Sometimes I notice my posture is fearful, notably when I am feeling frustrated or powerless, so I am beginning to adopt this practice: I throw back my shoulders, expand my lungs and put my chin up a bit. It is a physical change that causes a mental change. What a cool little thing to know.
Lorraine Devon Wilke
/ August 15, 2011Lynn:
As they used to say in the old days, “I like your spunk!” But seriously, spunk is what it takes to grow older, particularly as a woman, and I doubt there’s one woman in our age range who hasn’t felt that sting of fear you speak about over a dubious mammogram or some other such test. It’s part of the human journey, to slowly fall apart, but we have it within ourselves to keep moving enough to hold on to our vigor, keep thinking enough to hold on to our brains, and keep creating enough to hold on to the vitality and artfulness that makes us exactly who we are. Great post. Stay fearless!
Lynne Spreen
/ August 16, 2011You too, Sis. Thanks for stopping by.