Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
As I read Lean In, I was intrigued at being able to get inside the head of a dynamic, smart woman who is one generation younger than me, and see the corporate world through her eyes. One of the cultural questions she answered for me was this: why are younger women so averse to the terms "feminist" and "feminism"? Apparently, Sheryl Sandberg and her contemporaries believe(d) the following:
1. Equality having arrived, there's no need for feminism anymore
2. Feminists are man-haters who resist makeup and the shaving of one's legs
Okay, #2 was a bit tongue-in-cheek. However, having observed conditions in the real world for a few years now, Sandberg has come to see that the playing field is not and will not be level until more women occupy positions of power in the corporate hierarchy. She doesn't suggest that this is due to any malicious intent on the part of men, but rather it's simply a matter of ignorance.
To illustrate, she describes having to park far away from her office door when hugely and uncomfortably pregnant. When she designated preferred parking spots to accommodate pregnant workers, no one complained. It was seen as logical. But prior to her taking her place in the C-suite, the issue hadn't been raised.
Sandberg talks about not slowing down out of consideration for what might happen in the nebulous future. The example she gives, now famous, is of a young woman confiding her fears of not wanting to accept a job with a lot of responsibility due to the impact it might have on her family. The woman was planning ahead - she didn't even have a boyfriend yet.
With this example, Sandberg makes the point that women, having been highly trained and educated, are waving off promotional opportunities. The jury is still out as to why, but she suggests, and I agree, that part of the reason is this: in corporate America, a woman's decision to go through pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, and child-rearing is viewed as a private matter that should not impact her ability to work long hours and irregular schedules, including lengthy and frequent travel as needed. Rightly fearing this may drive her insane, a woman who wants a family may leap off the corporate ladder at a very early stage.
Sandberg argues that if a young woman stayed on it long enough to secure a more powerful position, she would be able to exert more control over her work life (a perspective the young woman must trust will happen, since at her current low place on the corporate ladder she can only see her lack of power and control.) After a few promotions, she will be able to delegate some of her work to subordinates, afford more help at home, and influence workplace policies that unfairly impact women and families. Who can find fault with this argument?
Sandberg is honest about her own mistakes, and I found that charming. For example, I was amazed that, for all her intelligence and education, she didn't originally intend to negotiate her starting salary with Facebook. Luckily a nice man (her husband) set her straight, and she made a counter offer to Zuckerberg. Reams of guidance have been written about how this error could have impeded her in later years, both at Facebook and with future employers, yet she didn't know. For other women who have not yet made this horrifying discovery, please read Ask for It by Babcock and Laschever (http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Women-Power...) which in addition to being enlightening and entertaining, offers tons of strategies for preparing yourself to negotiate. And not just for salaries. After reading that book I saved $150 on furniture I was going to buy anyway, by asking one question.
But back to Lean In.
I was also surprised that she wasn't well informed about how women can sabotage other women in the workplace, particularly women in power. This is an unfortunate truth with roots in biology, and is brilliantly explained in the amazing book, In the Company of Women by Heim and Murphy (http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-I...) which I reviewed here:
http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... This also suggests the reasons Sandberg was hit with such a backlash for the well-intentioned Lean In.
There is so much more to say about Lean In, but let me close with this: I enjoyed learning how this stellar corporate executive struggled, made mistakes, and ultimately learned some strategies that will enable her, her family, and the women (and men) in her corporation to thrive. It's not perfect, and sometimes it's not even pretty, but part of the lesson is to let go of the need for perfection.
The other message, younger women, is to get as far and as fast as you can before starting your families. Don't opt out just because it looks too hard from where you're sitting now. The view improves with each rung on the ladder.
View all my reviews
mimijk
/ February 11, 2014Couldn’t agree more…there’s an irony in all of it though – creating clothes for a population that he is removed from by at least a generation if not two – leaves him clueless about his own cohort group. Denial perhaps? 😉
Walker Thornton
/ February 11, 2014You make an excellent point. We’ve, as in ‘culture’, have found older people an acceptable target for derision. So glad you called him out in that way!
Snoring Dog Studio
/ February 11, 2014Yes, that was ageist. And utterly ignorant and inconsiderate. I won’t wait for the superficial apology from him.
Lynne Spreen
/ February 11, 2014It was ignorant…I assume he’s a decent person who wasn’t thinking. But that’s my point – we wound the old with our unconscionably ignorant comments and behavior, again, again, again. He is the example of a culture that needs to grow the hell up.
Nanci
/ February 11, 2014Great call out Lynne. And I think you are right, it’s one of those things that we don’t even think about. I hope he sees this….. I don’t really think an apology is needed but it would be good food for thought for him and for all of us.
Lynne Spreen
/ February 11, 2014Yes, that’s all I care about, that he and others think about their words and act differently in future.
Humor_Me_Now
/ February 11, 2014I am thrilled to be 80 years old. My wife is very unthrilled about aging—she is super sensitive about it. She would blow a gasket at this kind of age remark. My wife is also very aware of age discrimination.
I am just happy to be 80. lol I am the only male on my dad’s side of the family to live past 71.
I sure see your point.
Lynne Spreen
/ February 11, 2014Congrats on getting to 80 and being healthy enough to think, write, and be in a relationship. It’s no small thing. Life can be cruel. We have to appreciate stuff. I don’t want to get old for the reason that it’s hard on us, and gets us closer to death. But I’d rather be old than “not here,” which I’ve come close to a few times. Almost died in a car wreck the last week before summer break when I was a junior in high school. And then there was that perforated appendix…etc. So I agree with you…just happy to be here!
Let's CUT the Crap!
/ February 11, 2014Uh-uh. Bad Tommy.
Debbie
/ February 11, 2014Get ’em, Lynne! Tommy should be more careful with his words. He’s sixty-one, for Pete’s sake — what part of “older person” does he NOT think he is?!!
Cheryl @ Artzzle
/ February 11, 2014?? He can’t see all those wrinkles in the mirror . . . but he can see a few flowers on somebody’s pants?? And REALLY Tommy . . . didn’t your mommy teach you manners?
Good going Lynne!
Lynne Spreen
/ February 11, 2014I know! the dude is 61. What does he define as “older” anyway?
Madeleine
/ February 11, 2014Good call, Lynne. And while we’re talking about clothing and design, where are the clothes for classy “older” women these days? Who’s designing those?
Lynne Spreen
/ February 11, 2014There are probably some…but this too has been an issue for the longest time. I’ve been happy with Chicos for winter or fancy, Fresh Produce for summer/casual, and NYDJeans.
Cynthia
/ February 11, 2014As far as I’m concerned, TH has no clue about clothes or personal behavior. Several years ago, he docked his massive yacht here in Savannah. From what I heard, he didn’t realize that to a 20 something woman, he was an “older” man. It was all over town that he behaved rather foolishly. Personally, I would never wear his clothes. They’re boring to look at and I don’t find it “cool” to wear clothes with his name on them. So his statement is a joke to me and I doubt that he has much taste. However Lynne, I’m glad you have called him and others out on ageist remarks. There are so many people 60 plus who are intelligent, competent and graceful…and then there’s TH. Enjoy your blog very much!
Lynne Spreen
/ February 11, 2014Thanks, Cynthia. What an interesting story. I wonder if his peeps will get in touch?
mar888
/ February 11, 2014This really hit me funny – at Christmas I got my daughter (age 39) a floral jacket with a diagonal zipper up the front. She looked like a Martha Stewart biker. We as a family always “love” whatever each other gets us, but when she opened the box, she said, “Oh, it’s floral.” Well what do I know about what’s in? I’m so sick of seeing ALL women in black, solid, stripe, print Black, black, black. Come on ladies show a little creativity. Personally I’ll be thrilled when florals are back in. For me, they never went out. And to Tommy Hilfiger – ph-h-f-f-f-t-t-t!!
Lynne Spreen
/ February 11, 2014Mar, I didn’t get the memo either! So I guess I’m out of style. Whatever that is – because I just try to please myself, mainly. I’m wearing faded jeans and a zip-front pink golf shirt as we speak. But you know how they say women our age are invisible? What a blessing. They don’t have to look at us if it bums them out so much.
Lisa Wild Child
/ February 11, 2014I was sitting on a curb with my large bag of organic groceries waiting for a cab in San Miguel de Allende today wearing a floral turquoise/orchid skirt and an orchid blouse. Something I’ve had for years and loved the design. Two Americans walked by laughing out loud as they complimented my colors. I actually said,”I’ve been wearing gray all week and this morning I decided on something more cheery.” They howled with laughter. These well dressed people (wearing beige and gray) must certainly have read the Hillfiger article, while I did not. Worth a giggle!!!
Lynne Spreen
/ February 11, 2014Lisa, I have to say that your comment is the most colorful and vibrant of all the wonderful communing I’ve enjoyed here today. My second thought was, it’s so flippin’ cultural. In the US, we make fun of old people. In certain Asian countries, they revere us. In the US, Tommy H says florals are an embarrassment. In San Miguel de Allende, it’s the epitome of fashion. I am in your debt.
mar888
/ February 12, 2014Good for you for absorbing their hurtful actions instead of reflecting them and sending something smartass back to them. That really takes the wind out of their sails. Learned this from Seven Habits of Successful People (or something to that effect).
kathybjork
/ February 11, 2014Designers make clothes that look best on young, tall, skinny women, and then slam older women! I think that is a prejudice in the industry. If we ‘over sixties’ wore some of the designs created by them we’d be called eccentric and worse. There is nothing wrong with wearing florals if it makes you feel good.
Lynne Spreen
/ February 11, 2014Absolutely, KB. And Tommy, at 61, must hate what he sees in the mirror. (I recommend a ballsy floral shirt.)
Laura
/ February 12, 2014AMEN!!! I don’t understand why people think it is okay to disrespect people due to their age or weight. NOT OKAY!!! He should know better. I love that I can wear whatever I want and not care if Tommy or anyone else likes it.
Lynne Spreen
/ February 12, 2014You go, girl.
Pennie
/ February 13, 2014LOVED this post! Having come from the world of the morbidly obese, I always said that obesity was the last safe prejudice – meaning that while it is no longer politically correct to judge and have fun at the expense of blacks, native americans, Pollocks, etc it is still o.k. to make fun of those dealing with obesity. As we start to deal with the nations growing obesity problem, it is becoming less of a “safe prejudice”. As the population gets older and older, let hope the ageism becomes takes the same track!
Lynne Spreen
/ February 13, 2014Pennie, I agree. Goodbye to “safe prejudice.” I think as a country we’re moving forward, learning together. Things that were once thought to be just the way things were done (e.g. sexual harassment) are seen differently now. Makes me happy.
createsoullife
/ February 16, 2014and, to think that just yesterday I saw this great pair of floral pants that I thought I’d consider! So glad I have my own voice and dress like I want! Thanks Lynne for reminding us to be aware of what is written and said out loud by those we would assume might have some sensitivity.
Lynne Spreen
/ February 16, 2014I hope you’ll go back and buy those pants, CSL.
Pat
/ February 17, 2014Shame on Tommy and good for you, Lynne, calling him on this!
greengurl
/ April 9, 2014Be sure to send this to Tommy directly. He should know better.
greengurl
/ April 9, 2014The other ignorant part of it is that patterns on wallpaper or bedding are part of “textiles.” How can he not know that, working in a “sewing industry.”